psychos and smart people
so i think that i am the mostly easily intimidated person on the planet. i come from this family of really intelligent and creative people (we were once called a master race...hehehe). they are all very good and whatever they do. one sister is a teacher and can talk intelligently on any subject. one is a pastor (feels called to that even, if i recall) and is probably the most caring person i have ever known. my brother is a computer programmer and could prolly be in mensa. one is an artist and the most creative person i know as well as being the most open and fun loving. one is a politician and is caring and passionate. and the youngest is fun loving, intelligent and turning into a caring, Godly woman. i am so intimidated by all of them. when i am around my family i am suddenly aware that i lack conversational skills and any depth. maybe i am adopted.
"as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17
i guess that is good that i admire and envy my family. everytime that i spend time with them i come out saying that i am going to be a better person and Christian. I am going to have more compassion and care more about politics and the world around me. i am going to eat right and work out. i am going to force myself to talk to people even if i dont have anything to say.
enough about smart people...so this psycho followed me home tonight. he drove behind me almost all the way with his brights on the whole time. he matched my speed whether i sped up or slowed down...i could go on but i wont. i think psychos should not be allowed to drive at all.
old friends and good times
so this is the greatest thing that has ever happened. i was on ebay the other day and bought two veggie tales cds. when i went to pay for them i saw that the person i was paying was tom miles from tx. so i emailed him and asked if he was the tom miles that i knew. he just emailed me back and said that he was. he is working on his disertation and has a four year old son.
it was just so great to hear from him. when i was in high school i always wanted someone who was like a big brother and he fit that. we had good times and i really respected and looked up to him. he kept me from doing some stupid stuff my senior year. the other thing is i am not normally so brave as to just email someone and ask that. but i did and it is just cool and a blessing. i feel like God is showing me stuff is going to be okay.
new job
so my parents are coming tomorrow for a couple days. i need to come up with things to do to entertain them. i am not sure...we can go shopping and stuff because we have cool stores here but i am not sure what else that we can do. i am excited though. i have never got to be host for my parents before. it will be fun being suzy homemaker, although my mom is like the ultimate hostess. she is awesome.
i had an interview today at
Cunningham Childrens home. i am very excited. they work with dcfs kids that have not been able to make it in foster homes. this population is why i got my degree in psychology. for those who know me this is great...he started the interview with tellling me about how sometimes they have to physically restrain the kids. it was awesome because i am sitting there thinking
oh my god can i handle this? i think that i can though and it will be challenging and fun. my life has grown a little stagnant because i am not challenged enough and i think that this is just the thing.
so does anybody know of any good books that i could read?
joel's post
so joel asked in his post how do we know if we are in God's will? people say that God will confirm his will to us. but how do we know that he is doing that? how do we know that we are not just seeing what God wants us to.
i am of course thinking of this in reference to my family all moving. my family is the one support system and the one group in my life that i have never questioned. i have never wondered if one my sisters or my brother did not love me or want me around. i have belonged and always felt the loved. so, why would God take that from me? I do have Joel and i dont doubt his love but my sisters have always been some of my best friends. my family more than anyone has held me accountable to being a good person and Christian and that will be gone. it is not fair.
all that said i am not going to pretend that i think God wants us to move out there (not that he does not either). if or when we move out there it will be because i want to be near my family. i dont feel particularly called to here either, joel does not either. we just really felt that we needed to leave kankakee. it was a bad place for us. this is just the only opportunity that opened itself to us. here we have the chance of new friends and finding a church that we can connect with. we would have that in maryland or pennsylvania too. perhaps God is calling me to somewhere or something but i dont know where or what. it seems like all i ever hear is what he does not want me to do, more than what he does.
i am rambling though. i just have so many questions and i am so lost and angry about all of this that i ...
my life in a nutshell
Everyone say hello to my husband. He has finally got on the bandwagon and started blogging (thanks to an erika prescribed action). His url is
husband
I definetely reccommend that everyone checks that out.
So my interview on Friday went well, the only exception being they are actually hiring. They just interviewed me because I had so much experience. Oh well, it did get me more comfortable with the process. Considering every job that I have ever had before I got because I knew someone (thus I have never had a reall interview-which has made hiring people at the theater interesting since I dont really even know how to interview).
My parents are moving to the east coast on Wednesday. this makes me feel so sad. i have always thought that as long as i stayed in the midwest the whole family would stay relatively close or at least come back for holidays. that is not so much going to happen now. it is going to be a lot more going to the east coast with 3 kids and parents out there. my husband and i talked about it. we decided that if he does not have management by within a couple months of our lease being up here then we are going to look for jobs on the east coast. if he does then we will be tied down here until he is trained and he can find a store out there to transfer to. i wish we could be living there now.
overwhelmed
So I have started the fun times of driving too and from my job. That means at 1 hour and 15 min each way. It has not been that bad so far. I was driving home tonight and it was awesome. I was listening to music andf just turned it off and I started singing Jesus Loves Me. It touched me in a way that I have net felt in a very long time. I feel like I am miles away from God. I want so much to be close to him but I think that I have forgotten how. I miss Bible study and being accounable to people. I dont know how...
I guess that is part of why this move is at all exciting to me. We get to find a new church, one where we can do Bible study and worship and get involved and be at home. I pray that there is one here that we can love and be a part of.
happy days are here again
i am so excited!!! I got an interview already. it is at a theater but this is really reassuring. it is at the savoy 16, which makes me happy. it is a smaller company (closer to the one i am used to working for than kerasotas). this was just so unexpected. i sent my resume in just for fun, there was nothing that said that they were hiring. i have to remember to be assertive. i need to not get shy, this is something i know and i am good at. my parents are going to be pissed. well, i have to run.
monsters
i have spent way too much time doing this in the last two days. i should be out looking for a job. i did do a couple applications today. i am also going to send my resume in to be considered by the two major theater companies in town. i decided last night that i would probably not be happy unless i got a theater job. i should keep myself from doing it. it is way too much in my comfort zone.
so here is my new plan. do something every day that makes me leave my comfort zone. i was way too comfortable in kankakee. that is what makes moving so scary. if i dont force myself to be uncomfortable than i will never like it here. i will become a hermit and oh my god, how boring would that be?
so my things for today, include applying for jobs that are entirely new and i am not sure that i will like. i think that i am even going to go to church alone. i hate doing that. so that is all for now. wish me luck.
welcome to me
so i have never really got into the blog sort of thing before. i am kind of excited seeing as i can keep up on my girls and let them know what is going on with me and what is happening in their lives. it is a good time too. i just moved and there will be tons of things to write about.
it is kind of scary here. i went to the post office alone this morning. i was so much more overwhelmed than i thought i would be. everything is so different here and way more spread out than kankakee. i dont much like having to use a phone book and map to find anything. i never realized how much my apartment could be home though. it feels like such a refuge. it is the only place that is comfortable to me. in kankakee, there are so many places that are home that most are no more special than the rest. here the only place i feel safe is inside these walls, surrounded by my books and pictures and the things that people have given me over the years.
i am rambling though. i will make another entry later. i am curious to see what this one looks like once i am done.
