our decision
i dont know why but i feel the need to clarify the reasons for joel and i's decision to move. it comes down to 2 things really. they are simple to me but very important.the first thing has to do with what i read about on my sisters blog. she wrote about my grandpa. she described him perfectly and the way that many of us felt about him and his death. he was an amazing man, so big and intimidating but so completely full of love for us and for God that i will never forget the safety i felt in his home. she talked about writing a letter to grandpa and putting it in his casket. i wrote one too, in fact i think that all the grandkids did. i put in that letter how much i admired him and how he was the not only the Christian that i wanted to be but one of the 2 examples for the man that i wanted to marry.
anyway the reason that i want to move is that i want my kids to grow up feeling that way about my father. he is the other example in faith, love and action that i looked for in the man that i married. i want my children to know my parents, not just recognize them. it is that basic.
the other reason that i want to move has to do with what my mother used to always say to us when we were little. she used to always say that my sisters were the ones that would be my best friends forever. i never believed her; granted i was close to them but i thought that other friends would be the same way. with the exception of one friend (who is now my sister) mom was right. other friends have come and gone but my sisters (all 8 of them) are the ones that have been their for me through everything. anyway, although i will miss the ones that i leave behind here more than i think i realize right now, i have to do this. it is not that any sister is more important than any other but i guess it comes down to numbers. there are more of them out there.
there are other reasons for this move but these are the 2 biggest ones to me. there are many fears involved too. i am scared that we wont be able to survive out there, not enough money or other things. there is also the fear that my husband will eventually resent me for this. dont get me wrong, he wants to move too but i am scared that one day he will resent that we moved away from his family and closer to mine. he assures me that this is will not happen but these are the things that i worry about.
posted by totogirl @ 11:57 PM
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