totogirl's thoughts on oz

my fear

what exaclty makes a person a christian? so at what point do you stop being a christian? i know that the Bible says "Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead; then you will be saved." (or something like that). I can quote the Bible all day and come up with a verse about any subject but I dont think that makes me a Christian.

Do you have to go church more than once a month? What if you consistently forget to do your devotions (I dont mean once and a while but for weeks at a time)? Is this what makes you a Christian? Or is it simply being a good person? trying to do the right thing? not losing your temper? not cussing? trying to be a compassionate person? is it even possible to do all the those things without someone to hold you accountable and without tapping consistently into the only person that can truly do the right thing all the time?

I know what makes someone a good Christian. What I want to know is can I still call myself a Christian at all? it is not that i want to do the absolute least that i can do and still call myself a Christian. in fact i should have added in that last blog that one of my secret desires is to be a truly good Christian. i dont think that i have ever been that. all i can ever feel when i am in God's presence is unworthy. i know that i love him but i also know that i dont tell him or show it at all. if i was him and i would seriously doubt any devotion on my part. i know that i will never be worthy of what he has given me but for once when i am in his presence i want just to tell him how much i love him and make it about him not me.

i keep telling myself when i have moments like this that i will just do better. i will force myself to read my Bible and pray and worship and want to go to church. but it should not have to be force. i should want to do it. if i am forcing myself, do i really love him or do i just want it appear that i do?

posted by totogirl @ 1:01 PM 3 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

secret desires

so here is my list of things that i have always wished and my dreams for the future. by wishes, i mean things that i have always desired to be true about me and by dreams i mean things i want to do but will probably never do...

i have always wanted:
-to be skinny and cute
-to be a deep thought-provoking author
-to be a talented artist (drawing and painting)
-to be witty
-to be philosophical
-have at least a little singing talent


in the future i want to:
-live outside of the united states again
-learn how to fly an airplane
-go to moscow
-learn to speak italian and spanish
-live on a sailboat on the ocean
-(some may say the visiting italy could go on this list but that is something that i will definetely do)

i dont know why i felt the need to post this but i did.

posted by totogirl @ 11:43 PM 2 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

murphy's law

so this is interesting. my entire life i have had health insurance and never gotten really truly sick, never had to take antibiotics or go to the emeregency room. until now... since i quit classic cinemas and got my new job i had one month with no health insurance. one month. guess what?! i got a bladder infection. for an entire week i tried to not go the doctor and spent hours on the couch with a 103 temp and pretty bad pain. how awesome is that? i am better now, though dont worry.

so i need a hobby. my life is so boring right now. i swear all i do is sleep, watch tv and work. let me tell after a while all tv is pretty much the same.

posted by totogirl @ 1:39 PM 2 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??