totogirl's thoughts on oz

welcome to the freak show

so have you ever felt that you were part of the freak show? this weekend for the second time in my life i had just that joy (the first being during the 2 months i spent in the philippines). the point is that it is quite a fun experience...

the situation was that i happened to get a saturday off of work. i thought how fun is this, i should go and visit my wonderful peeps up at the p-5. so despite the frigid wind and piles of snow i set out. 5 minutes into my trip i knew it was too dangerous but i missed them so much i forged on ahead. i got bored so i decided since i have free minutes on the weekend to call my lovely mother. we talked for a couple minutes until i hit a patch of ice and just started screaming. which of course caused my mother to do that same. needless to say i spun around and ended up on in the median between both lanes of traffic. after much crying and freaking out i managed get a state police out there. he assured me that he would have a tow truck out in no time at all. no time at all ended up being an hour later (which i dont consider no time at all. i consider that way too long to sit in a boring car, so tried calling people but no one answered so i cleaned up the car instead....fun times). anyway back to the whole freak show thing. i think that every single person that drove by me got a krick in their neck because they could not stop staring. i started waiving after a while and even considered making some not so nice signs.

so what is this thing that people have with disaster? i mean seriously everyone has this innate curiousity to know exactly waht happened anytime something looks out of place. as if the people involved dont feel bad enough already they have to watch people stare at them and you know they are trying to guess or they are ridiculing someone for being so stupid as the get in that situation. i know this i true because i do it too. is it even possible to ignore disaster?

posted by totogirl @ 12:52 AM 0 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

riots are fun

so... we had like the worst riot ever at the theater friday night. we had a sold out show to coach carter and it all started when some girl would not quit smoking. so the whole auditorium felt the need to fight about it. we had all the cops in champaign, all the sherriffs and the all the university police that were on duty here. it was the worst day ever, amazingly though it didnt make me dislike my job anymore than i do. we had employees sitting out in the employee parking lot protecting our cars. can i tell you it was a blast?!! we still have upset parents calling us about how their kids were scared.

posted by totogirl @ 11:34 AM 0 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

the fab 4

so, joel said that sara said that the new plan for meeting is mar 1 and 2. i asked it off work today. those are easy days of the week for me to get off. i want to see everyone. we need some serious girl time.

posted by totogirl @ 1:32 AM 1 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

my biggest fear

i think that i posted before what my biggest fears were but i have a new one and i am depressed and feel the need to bum everyone out. so here goes....

my biggest fear is that people will find me a simple person.
they will figure out that i am not super intelligent, in the sense that i dont sit and think about deep things like at all. when i am with my sisters they are all so active and stuff. they all have passions that they can sit and discuss for hours. they are my models but i am so unmotivated to find a passion.
also they will find out i dont do anything. i have no hobbies, really (unless you call eating and watching hours of mindless tv hobbies). in fact, recently we called to have our cable shut off. joel and i decided that we wanted to do other things in time that we used to watch tv. we actually did it which means that i should try to stop watching tv. the problem is that i cant just turn the tv off. i am so addicted.
which leads to the next thing...they will figure out that i have not self-control. which is not to say that i have never had it. my senior year in high school i went an entire christmas season without christmas cookies. for three years i was on a strict diet and for all of my high school career i spent hours a day memorizing books of the Bible. things i am all proud of. if i could only do that again. (it used to take me 45 minutes to quote word for work all of Hebrews and 1 & 2 Peter-just think if i memorized the whole Bible how long that would take)...anyways that was off tract.
i guess you could say that these are my new year's resolutions (the first time in years that i have made any):

--get off my duff and find a hobby
--limit myself to 2 hours of tv a day (still a lot but we will work on it)
--either join a gym or get eliptical machine to work out on everyday at least 45 minutes
--(ddr would also work)
--read my Bible and worship God in some way everyday
--find a place to volunteer
--read the newspaper/be more involved in the world around me (at least know what is going on)
--read more non-fiction books
--start taking more pride in my appearance
--be more romantic with my husband

i think that is all. i know it is a lot but like i said i am depressed. this is what will make me feel better about myself as a person.

posted by totogirl @ 3:17 AM 2 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

what is the point?

so i have decided that i am going to stand up for myself more. i have never really been one to do that before. sure, i would get irritated when i was walked and i would let the people doing the walking know (sometimes) but i never made them stop. i suppose that i have let people walk on me because i cared way too much if they liked me or not. which, in all reality does not make people like you, i have come to find.

there are a couple problems with this new decision. first, i think i really only decided this because the other managers here in hell love to walk all over anyone who will hold still long enough (and some who wont). the problem with that is, it is easier to stand up to them because i could not care less what they think of me. which is bad. it is probably why i hate this job so much. i dont really care about a who lot of people here and the ones that i did care about are gone because they got fired.

they other problem is deciding in which situations i should stick up for myself. recently, a certain person has tried to bait me a couple times. i feel that this person is simply trying to make me feel guilty for decisions i have made. i am not ashamed of those decisions. i am sorry for the way that i acted them out at times but i dont feel that i or the other person to whom blame was assigned are entirely at fault. we have all made mistakes and have tried to make up for it at times . but this person doing the baiting is still angry and it seems wont take any blame for herself. also, she made it seem like we were the ones who left when we didnt but she was. I could go into the specifics of each thing that made me angry in the story but i did that earlier and it was only hurtful. like natalie and sara said there are other sides to the story but i am not going to go into the specifics that only end up hurting people. i love you and i have kept you in my prayers, especially during this hard time for you; but there has been a break in our friendship that will probably never heal because we have never talked about it. it seems so trivial now but that is what growing up and moving on is about.

posted by totogirl @ 2:55 AM 1 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

Because Sara said so...

posted by totogirl @ 5:14 AM 0 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??

driving me nuts

I feel the need to post this because it is driving me nuts. no one here in champaing cares at all about what is going on asia right now. i have talked to people who dont even know that it happened. i would like to point out that this has killed 45 more times the amount of people that 9/11 did. america stopped for days because of that. i know that was a terrorist act but come on people. show a little compassion. try to raise some money. pray for the people who could still be alive and for the families of those that died. i am so tired of it not mattering when it did not happen to america. i guess that is all i have to say ( i really have more but i am so not articulate when i get riled up)

posted by totogirl @ 4:19 AM 0 Questions?? Comments?? Rocks?? Bottles??