my biggest fear
i think that i posted before what my biggest fears were but i have a new one and i am depressed and feel the need to bum everyone out. so here goes....my biggest fear is that people will find me a simple person.
they will figure out that i am not super intelligent, in the sense that i dont sit and think about deep things like at all. when i am with my sisters they are all so active and stuff. they all have passions that they can sit and discuss for hours. they are my models but i am so unmotivated to find a passion.
also they will find out i dont do anything. i have no hobbies, really (unless you call eating and watching hours of mindless tv hobbies). in fact, recently we called to have our cable shut off. joel and i decided that we wanted to do other things in time that we used to watch tv. we actually did it which means that i should try to stop watching tv. the problem is that i cant just turn the tv off. i am so addicted.
which leads to the next thing...they will figure out that i have not self-control. which is not to say that i have never had it. my senior year in high school i went an entire christmas season without christmas cookies. for three years i was on a strict diet and for all of my high school career i spent hours a day memorizing books of the Bible. things i am all proud of. if i could only do that again. (it used to take me 45 minutes to quote word for work all of Hebrews and 1 & 2 Peter-just think if i memorized the whole Bible how long that would take)...anyways that was off tract.
i guess you could say that these are my new year's resolutions (the first time in years that i have made any):
--get off my duff and find a hobby
--limit myself to 2 hours of tv a day (still a lot but we will work on it)
--either join a gym or get eliptical machine to work out on everyday at least 45 minutes
--(ddr would also work)
--read my Bible and worship God in some way everyday
--find a place to volunteer
--read the newspaper/be more involved in the world around me (at least know what is going on)
--read more non-fiction books
--start taking more pride in my appearance
--be more romantic with my husband
i think that is all. i know it is a lot but like i said i am depressed. this is what will make me feel better about myself as a person.
posted by totogirl @ 3:17 AM
2 Comments:
i love you. I was just thinking about the loss of discipline the other day...how easy it used to be and how hard it is now (not that I ever had as much as you to begin with..) I say join a book club like at a library...it may be a bunch of old people sitting around, but hey-there's value in old people too.
Getting ready to mindlessly watch SVU (2 minutes away) and I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you, and about how I wish we lived by each other, and i wanted you to know...in this moment (just like most other moments) I Love you.
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