But what does that mean for me...does it mean that i should aim to die for my friends? i dont think so, not that i would not seriously consider it in some cases (not a decision lightly made). i think that it comes down to the same issue as martydom. when i was little i thought that i wanted to die a martyr. i figured that if i could die for Jesus then i would know that i was truly a Christian. God would have to let me into heaven if i died for his Son. God does want people to be that committed to him but it is more about living for him than dying. when i was a teenager i began to be afraid that if i was ever faced with that decision (something that could possibly happen since i wanted to be a missionary), i would die simply to be a martyr. then i would not go to heaven because i did not really die for altruistic reasons.
i recently the book "Silence" by shusaku endo. it was a fabulous book about doubt and martydom. in in the hero of the story -a persecuted Catholic priest- is faced with the decision to renounce God by spitting and stepping on an image of him or the converts that he brought to the Lord would be tortured to death. throughout the entire story he has all these doubts that God exists because it seems that God has forsaken him and will not speak. he is silent. but when faced with the decision he clearly hears God saying "step on me... i came to earth to be stepped on and spit at. i died to bring forgiveness for even that." anyway he does and he is forced to marry and reproduce and everything but the point is that he chooses despite everything to live for God and he covertly continues to spread the Word.
that book for me is so much more about choosing to live for God rather than die for him. i dont know where all this went or if it made sense. i have simply been thinking a lot about what it means to live for God and how that means i should act. no not how i should act but how i should feel and think. it is hard because recently i have been very lax on many things. i cuss and i am lazy and i am very easily angered by people. it so hard in the heat of the moment or when you are enjoying yourself to think of doing the right thing. just some thoughts
p.s. i didnt really mean to post on this. i was going to talk about friendship and boundaries (no particular reason, just thinking). later maybe. i am supposed to be closing booth down.
posted by totogirl @ 3:33 AM
3 Comments:
a note on the lax thing...."the joy of the Lord will be our strength" and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Ah...bask in the knowledge that God does not expect/want us to try to do this alone.
When ya walk with the Lord, ya don't get bored. Sing halleluja, AMEN!!
thats funny. evan just posted about boundaries (mostly relational) and friendship...seems to be a common theme. do you think people are more needy in the winter?
rachel,
would you happen to have any pictures of the crew when i was there doing crazy stuff, like the robot suit or anything like that??
email me if you have anything good
--scottie
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